Took me a little while to balance my life around my recent interest: SWTOR.
My rule of not playing in weekdays is going pretty well, but it's also causing all my friends to outlvl me :P
My competitive nature isn't too fond of this.
I'm playing sith marauder again... I'm lvl 22 only. But I've got all the time in the world. In a month and a half I can go hardcore, as my school will be over. Atleast the none insane subjects :)
I'm still only mastering the insane subject very well.. Probably cause I put alot of effort into it, at the expense of the others. I'd rather have decent grades in all, than good grades in 3 and one awful one. So I guess I made the right decision.. But since this school is so low on time, we never have the time to test the individual student's abilities, so I'm not entirely sure how well I'm doing.
One subject that bugs me is P.E (theory). It's all very repeatative.. Lots of chapters about different exercise styles.. And it always says "THE IMPORTANT THING OF THIS TYPE OF EXERCISE IS TO HAVE A GOOD WARM UP, DIVERSITY, GRADUAL IMPROVEMENT AND STRETCHING/CD AFTERWARDS LOL!!". Starting to become hard to keep them apart.. Not to mention I don't know half the sport types or people mentioned as examples.. I've never had any interest for sports. Especially not the ones usually used as examples here. So the subject generally pisses me off and confuses me.. I don't know how they manage to get a 300 page book out of this, it all seems the same. And last year's exam seemed pretty basic and simple. Something doable for anyone with common knowledge.
Meh, I just hope I succeed. I'll do my best to do so..
But there's another vacation around the corner, and it will make me lose my motivation again.. Fo'sho -.-
I'm cool with the social again.. I guess it was a winter thing. I'm a lot more fond of the idea of prioritizing going out to staying in, being a loner.
However last party I felt really out of place.. I didn't feel excluded or anything.. I just felt like I really didn't wanna be there. Like I was wasting my time.
Maybe it was cause of lack of guys lol.
Then two guys arrived, and 30 mins or so after everyone wanted to go to the city.
I hate going to the city, so I wasn't fond of the plan.
Not to mention I kinda like one of those guys.. Ofc I stand no chance here either, tough luck. But I still like to hang out and socialize with him. He's atleast open to that, compared to my other example.
I've always found mini crushes to be a great way to start a good friendship.. Some of my best friendships came out of that, hence me not being too bitter about being friendzoned. The feelings calm down eventually, atleast if it isn't one of those "BAM" crushes that lead to being in love.
I have also discovered that krzy bitch and ginger girl seem to be really great people.. Maybe they're not perfect, but they're still really good people. I guess I expect too much from people, in order for me to feel like I'm not wasting my time with them. I should lower my expactations, and just appreciate good chemistry and good spirited people.
Maybe it's okay to waste your time with others sometimes.
Wanting a friend for years, finally getting one and then pushing them away.. That's what I did.. I hope it's not too late to fix it.. I don't think it is.
Anyway..
My mom called me. She really pissed me off again.. She calls me a couple of times a month, and only when there's business on the table. She doesn't ever want to know how I'm doing, what I'm doing etc.
And today she wanted me to mail her some car related papers. Ok, cool story bro, will do.. She hangs up after 3 mins cause her BF is too lazy to go to the gas station and grab a "special" salt for a "special" meal.
He can't do it himself?
Not to mention he nagged her 1000000 times while she was talking to me.. I guess 5 mins with my mom is too much to ask from the world.
I don't know what to do with her..
Is it really time to let her go now?
It's such a painful decision..
I don't even feel like it's entirely her fault. She's so weak for others.. I'm oversensitive about this as well.. But it's a problem nevertheless.. Doesn't matter if I'm overreacting, as long as it's messing with my everyday?
I suppose..
I don't really know.....................................
Mamma da <.<
Skulle ønske du kunne ta den samtalen vi hadde, i julen, seriøst. Jeg skjønner ikke hva du driver med. Jeg skjønner ikke hva du tenker. Jeg advarte deg ganske klart at hvis ting ikke endret seg, så kom jeg til å kutte deg ut. Du sa at ting kom til å endre seg nå, du kom jo tross alt til å bo i Norge nå.. Og kun 20 minutter unna en flyplass, som tydeligvis hadde en linje til Kristiansand.. Men hvor blir det av disse besøkene? Du sa du skulle komme allerede i begynnelsen av Februar. Nå snakker du om begynnelsen av April, men plutselig vet du ikke om du kan.. Du nevnte og å hjelpe meg med bil utgifter - som jeg urettferdig har fått grunnet av din kjæreste's løgner (aifink).. Men du må tydeligvis lyve til han om at du hjelper meg? Jeg skjønner ikke hva du driver med, jeg.. Jeg hører at du har det vondt grunnet av hans sønn.. Hvorfor blir du der? Jeg skjønner dette absolutt ikke. Det eneste jeg skjønner er at du bør begynne å ta meg seriøst snart. Dinne avgjørelser i livet har kostet meg flesk. Jeg sitter med lån jeg aldri hadde tatt opp, hadde du bare forklart meg hvordan ting egentlig fungerer. 120,000 NOK må jeg nedbetale før jeg kan begynne å tenke på universitet. Jeg sliter psykisk, og har gjort det hele livet.. Du kaster meg ut, og kutter meg ut, fordi du har en kjæreste du lyver om.. Trist å høre at du har levd et skjult liv i et halvt år, og så får jeg plutselig vite at du er forlovet.. Og jeg er den siste som får høre noe om dette.
Skulle ønske du viste meg verden som den egentlig er. Skulle ønske du lærte meg å være selvstendig, istedenfor å gjøre alt for meg. Skulle ønske du var strengere mot meg. Blablabla..
Skulle faktisk ønske du hørte litt på pappa - selvom han er som han er - i forhold til oppdragelse.
Det eneste jeg ønsker er å ha et personlig forhold til deg.. At du slutter å love ting du absolutt aldri holder. Du må nesten begynne å velge snart.. Hvis du plutselig vil behandle meg som voksen, så får du og kanskje begynne å ta meg seriøst. Er litt lei av at du er så uforutsigbar. Jeg vet bare at du var verdens snilleste mor.. Du var som en bestevenn for meg hele livet mitt.. Så plutselig hører jeg aldri fra deg mer.
Bleh.... Hvis du kommer i påsken får vi ta enda en alvorsprat. Hvis ikke det fungerer, er det nok på tidet at jeg blokkerer deg på FB og bytter nummer.. Kun for min egen del. Veldig viktig for meg å kutte alle bånd, for å så komme meg videre i livet. Sånn jeg gjorde med din familie (og pappa, en gang i tid) og det har funket godt for meg.. Trodde aldri du kom til å bli en av dem, men det ser kanskje ut som jeg ikke har så mye annet valg. Slitsomt å sitte å frustrere meg over deg hele tiden. Jeg liker ikke at det er en sånn mellom ting, mellom falsk og ekte.. Der klarer jeg ikke leve med. En av mine negative sider er jo tross alt "alt eller ingenting" holdningen min.
Hadde det bare vært noe positivt oppe i alt dette negative, så hadde ikke alt vært så "stress". Hører bare fra deg når det er noe negativt inni bildet, eller du mener jeg skylder deg penger.. Eller Kjell mener det. Eller du mener jeg skal plage NAV med noe. Eller du har latt Benedikte oppføre seg som en idiot, og så gikk ting litt for langt. Blir for mye teit nå.. Fint å ikke få vondt i magen hver gang jeg ser du ringer.. Fint om du ringte noen ganger bare for å høre hvordan ting går.
Jeg har sløst bort masse tid av mitt liv, og nå plutselig begynte jeg på skole.. Begynte å sosialisere meg litt (noe du alltid har mislikt at jeg ikke gjorde).. Masse skjer nå, og alikevel er det helt uinteressant hva som skjer med meg. GG, mamma <.<
Oh well.. Needed to get that off my chest.. I notice how awful my Norwegian is. I sound like a total noob. I'm sorry if any of this was uncalled for, mom. I need to unleash my feelings sometimes too.
You'll probably never know though. Tough luck.
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