Kay.

So.. I woke up today with "binge pain".. So not only was the alcohol not as satysfying as I'd hoped, but it managed to screw me over for 2 days, rather than one.
Hope I've learned for next time, but it seems I've entered one of the many "bored of alcohol" phases at the right time. Last time I didn't take the oppotunity, now I shall.
It also seems the money spending is endless..
Today I figured I wanted to buy SWTOR.. So ofc I did.. Including extra GC, cuz limitations bug me.. I'd rather throw money out the window, than feel limited during the experience.
I also, ofc, had to go NE again on my priest. The overload of draeneis, and having 2 identical chars (cuz I've used all the good looks, so have to repeat 'em now) kinda got to me.. And the priest gear looks alot better on NE's.. Too bad I truly dislike that race. They look good, but they seem like horrible creatures. I cannot sympathize with that.
Anyway, time to chill with money again.. Already spent all savings I added the past 2 months. These damn savings are supposed to be there for emergency cases (car breaks, Nitro gets sick.. etc), not to enhance my expensive lifestyle.
But seeing as Denmark got cancelled, I think I haven't spent more than I had planned to spend for that trip.. Excluding speakers, but my old ones have been broken for 4 years now, so it was time. (The ones I bought were on sale).
So I'll calm the guilt down..
And yes, I have to find ways to calm guilt down, cause if I feel guilty / bad, I get an "all is lost, might as well take it even further" attitude (:

Not sure if I should study today.. I'm afraid of losing motivation, having quite a few new games in the picture.. But I also intended to keep to my regular schedule, and Monday is an off day on my regular schedule.
Decisions, decisions.. Life is tough, eh? :P
Suppose I should study.. Tomorrow it'll be even harder to make myself, cause I'll get consumed by a new MMORPG.. However, it's vacation. No stress.... right???????
Meh, guilt is consuming again. GG.
I think I'll screw my all or nothing attitude.. I'll read some on geography (from the online classes, provided by my school.. Repeating, basically). And that ought to be enough.. I know I'll feel half guilty, since I'm putting off the hardest subject, but something is better than nothing when it comes to studying on a "sick day".
Fuck my all or nothing attitude, really.. I'm such an idiot.

On another note, I finnished the second Pirates of the Caribbean 2 yesterday.. Haven't seen those movies in a while.. Basically the first right after it came out on DVD (Peppes filmdeal, I do miss it) and the second one, also after it came out on DVD.. So I had forgotten most of it.. Never saw the third one, so I'll do that today.
Johnny Depp is really awesome there. Not hot though.. Facial hair is always a big turn off. Same goes for Mr. Bloom.. But he's not always hot... He was a bit hot in Kingdom of Heaven, and extremely hot in Lord of the Rings. Not sure about other movies.. Sometimes he's hot, just cause I need a reason to force myself through boring movies (Example: Troy). So I push myself into enhancing his good sides.
Not saying he's not attractive, just saying he's not really my type when he's not hooked up in elven costumes.
Whereas Johnny Depp is usually always my type.. Unless he's simply too awesome to be viewed as an object of my desires (like in Pirates of the Carribean) :P
I'll now attempt to write some more in my native language.. My norwegian skills have never been awesome (I blame that on moving @ age 16, missing out on evolving my language to a more mature level).

Så, på tide å prøve.. Driver nå å registrerer en konto til SWTOR.
Okei, nå var det gjort..
Merker jeg skriver ganske mye saktere når jeg skriver på Norsk.. Vet ikke engang om jeg kan bruke ordet sånt, har det fra den Nederlanske versjonen av ordet.
Oh well, har ikke akkurat gått hardt inn for å være flink i Norsk.. Tror skole kommer til å hjelpe endel her, spesielt nå til høsten.. Skal nemlig ha Norsk da (:
Gruer meg til Nynorsk, det er virkelig en svak side jeg aldri har kommet meg over.
Menmen, historie var jo det og.. Og nå er det en av mine sterkere fag.
Men historie har og sine sider som hjelper.. F.eks, finnes det endel kule filmer som er basert på historiske events. Det hjelper en god del på motivasjonen, og til tider hvor jeg har hatt mye problemer med å interessere meg for et tema, har jeg prøvd å se en film som har med det å gjøre.. Det har som oftest hjulpet.
En gang (Romerriket), hadde det motsatt funksjon, men da var jeg og såpass heldig å finne en fin artikkel som hjalp meg med interessen..
Det finnes alltid en løsning :P

Æsj, altså.. Føler meg dehydrert i dag. Samtidig som lungefunksjonen fortsatt er påvirket av Lørdagen (alkohol dreper lungene mine mer enn noe annet, i hangover sammenheng).

Ga forresten ut linken til bloggen min for et par dager siden. Angrer det litt, men vet ikke om han har lest enda. Han har ihvertfall ikke nevnt det. Men lite skade han kan gjøre (vet ikke helt hvorfor jeg er såpass redd for å la folk se meg for den jeg er.. Er utrolig privat av meg når det kommer til sånne ting, ingen kjenner meg på ordentlig.. Har en maske for hver enkelt person)..

Anyway, på tide å gjøre noe annet.. Geo eller slack.. Who knows.
Legger ved enda et fint Hawaii bilde :) Så jeg kan se på det og smile, når jeg engang går igjennom hele bloggen min.

New.

Fuck it all.. I've decided not to restrict myself too much with alcohol. I should just keep it rather secretive, so no one invites me to parties, and I waste useless calories and precious time (and yes, it's hard for me to say no to an excuse to drink :P)..
And I'll keep it irregular.
As long as I'm losing weight, and otherwise living healthy, I suppose.
I also bought some new speakers today.. My old ones have been really fucked for years now. These are slightly better, twice the price :P Good old Norway -.-
But they're pretty awesome, and I'm glad not to have sound fall out all the time.. And have everything working well, and better sound ofc..
So, I'm starting to get some pretty solid stuff in my life now..
I'm really glad :)
Everything is working out better than I had hoped for a year back.
Over & Out.

On another note, I'm considering applying for Hawaii Pacific University. It might mean that all I can study is psychology, but I'll take what I can get.. My alternatives are law, psychology and psychiatry. I'll settle in order to live on Hawaii.
I've checked it abit out, and the first semester I probably have to find a way to fund myself. The rest Norway will assist with. I've also found a company that specializes in finding appartments for students of this University.. So as soon as I'm done with what I'm doing right now, I'll look into further planning of this.
Maybe I'll make my dreams come true.. Hawaii being one of the greatest ones.

Aloha.

Beer.

So..
There's a wintervacation @ my school.
I can't help but feel lost -.-
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Catching up isn't gonna take me more than a day. That leaves me at 9 days of not knowing what to do. I don't wanna get too into World fo Warcraft, it'll just make me slightly addicted, so I still have to keep my gametime to a balanced level.. I don't really wanna get too much into any other games either.
I don't have many other hobbies.
But in the end I think I'm just whiny because I miss beer.. It helps break up the week, and now that I have a lot of sparetime, more than 70% of my motivation to cut down has been lost.
So now I'm in a bit of a rebel mode.. Where everything angers me and bores me even more. At this point I kinda wish I didn't cut out all "friends".. But then again, what fun could they offer me.. Usually expensive and time wasting activities...
I think I'm really pessimistic atm..
I said I'd allow myself something nice this weekend, so I allowed myself some chocolate.. Now I feel "ok, if I'm not gonna do 1200 calories, might as well drink beeeeeeeer"
:<
Fuckdizshit

Waddup.

So.. Today I haven't had enough sleep! Went to bed between 3-4 (with 4 as the aimed timing to fall asleep), but started coughing again.. So was probably up 'til 5 or 6. I'm unsure, I didn't really check the clock so I wouldn't be bound to my negative attitude the following day.. "Only had 4 hours of sleep, whinewhine" etc :P
Woke up around 10.45 or so.. Had a lecture at 12.10.
Almost fell asleep the whole lecture, but did manage to pay attention nevertheless.
When I was out of school though, my energy was boosted..
As I returned home, I noticed I had one fucking nosehair sticking out! So I paniced, and bought a machine.. Now I have removed 'em lolz..
I also bought 2 additional history books, and I'm extremely excited about them.. They're HUGE.. So much info that's being left out from the books we currently use. Plus, ofc, images.. And images can sometimes be helpful to remember certain aspects.
I'm gonna nerd around this weekend and read through the topics we've been through.
I think I'll follow the reading with books books. Aiming for a better grade in this subject.
I'm noticing I'm really passionate about learning, and now with these styled books, It's gonna be a lot easier. Their language is also much simpler, and my Norwegian isn't very evolved - to say the least. -.-
Anyway, life is looking pretty damn good.. I like my new haircolor (or more like my "old" one <.<), my keyboard pwns, my PC and laptop have finally been cleaned out a bit, my diet is going well, pushing people away is going pretty well too o.O, and money isn't looking so doom right now.
The house has been cleaned and meh :P I'm not really missing anything in my life..

Socially I have some new things to discuss.
My ex contacted me again (not sure if I mentioned it before), and wanted to hang out this Friday.. I'm having mixed feelings about it. Mostly cause I've always felt a friendship between us is rather awkward. He's sometimes alot to handle, cause he treats me as when we were together, but we're not.. So why should I put up with the bads? Also, it's sometimes weird to communicate with him. I like him alot as a person, but there's a lot of mixed feelings there. And in general, he's rather draining (well, everyone is, that's not something he is especially).. I don't wanna spend my time on this just to do it.. I mean, I can game at home, in more comfortable surroundings. And if all we do is chat once or twice, and then he showing off some progress in his own gaming, then it's a little boring.
Either way, I'm probably the fault of this myself.. I don't make a move to change this at all, I probably give out the impression that I prefer it that way. And truth is, I don't mind.. I just wish he'd pay me more attention, without me having to ask.. Or maybe that we could start off by going out together or doing a certain activity. Spending the night is a little much, since we keep cutting off contact and then contacting each other again.

Also it's this girl's birthday today.. The one I kinda "care" about and wish to be friends with. I don't know what to do.. Should I buy her a present? What should I buy her? I mean, if she's having a party, I'm not really invited.. Or maybe she isn't? I'm very confused about where we stand.. I might have to come up with a little something to buy, just to show I care. But NO FUCKING CLUE what.

Also, Kenneth wants to hang out tomorrow.. Don't think I feel like it. Last weekend was so awesome, I don't know if I wanna mess with it.. Just chillaxing at home, doing some homework, playing some games, watching movies.. Shutting the world off entirely! Only thing missing is alcohol.. If it wasn't for those damn hangovers -.-

Anyway, gotta cook now.. Pasta with a sauce from scratch :D

Excuses.

So, I just feel like using my keyboard.. Considering how little I chat, or use my computer for anything constructive (browsing and gaming would be all I do), I barely get a chance to use it :P
So I figured I'd make a "morning" entry.
First and foremost, yesterday went fine.. I dyed my hair, and weirdly enough barely anything got washed off.. The floor was almost clear the entire time, which is uncommon. Normally the floor is soaked in water with the color I dye it in.. The results ended up extreme and satysfying, so inspite of the differences in color, I don't need to redye.
I'll take care of it in 2 weeks, which is a guideline to how often I dye my hair :P
Out of all the deformed parts of my body, my hair isn't one of them.. It's pretty unbreakable, and always ends up looking really great.
I had an odd dream where I met my crush from junior high school, and he liked me back :P After 10 years or so, awesuuum.. I wasn't interested in him anymore, though, but I kept thinking that'd mean that in 10 years I'll have my current crush -.- lolz.
After that me, my ex crush and some people from Holland - where I all of a sudden lived again (under Mariet's roof and all, good times.. I messed that up!) - went off to destroy the ring -.-
Voldemort was on our side, and Sauron was chasing us.. Luckily Voldemort had some tricks up his sleeve, and has also previously worked with Sauron, so we managed to throw him a bit off.. Atleast until we somehow got discovered. So we stopped time, moved the building a bit, and rearranged the area (during the frozen time moment) a bit for battle.. After this I woke up, and BAM It was 14.45 ish -.-
I had alarm on at 12.00, and once again it hadn't woken me up.. Something must be wrongzies?
I went to bed around 2, laid in bed for hours, couldn't sleep 'til around 5.. Mostly cause I was coughing alot, stupid "aftershake".. Also woke up around 9, with the same problem. I managed to eventuelly go back to sleep, after putting Nitro next to me in bed :P I was a bit afraid of ghosts -.- So his presence made me feel safe.
So shameful to admit these strange things. I act really tough and unbreakable amongst others, yet I'm immature enough to fear ghosts when it's dark :D
Just for the record, that only happens if I don't get enough sleep ^_^
I also have lost a 1,3kg since Monday. So for now things are looking up.
Today I have planned: Read through some pages in my history book, read through old PP's, read through the long article, read through the short article.. I think I might leave it at that, since that's alot of reading as it is.. I hope it will help me get a general overview and understanding of a very boring topic :P
Tomorrow I'll be a bit off schedule again then, since I'll have to prioritize PP's from Gym + 1 chapter, and PP from SS + 1 chapter.. So geography get's left out. I'll fit it in this weekend sometime.. Or tomorrow if I can find the time and energy.
Oh well, over and out.

Razer Lycosa.

First day of school in a while.. Not many people attended that day, seemed like half the class was missing. Was nice to be back, however the topic was rather boring, so I couldn't focus properly.
I tried my best, took plenty of notes, and do intend to read through it once my headache passes.
As I returned home, I decided I wanted a new keyboard.. So I ran off and got it myself (Yeah, big deal, I usually make people run most my errands. I fear going out, and spend my "fear going out energy" on school :P)..
I got myself a Razer Lycosa keybaord. It is the most awesome keyboard I've ever owned (not saying alot, I've usually had pretty casual keyboards.. Old and free ones) :D
I love that the letters light up in blue, and you can turn it off, only to have WASD lighted up also..
It's very nice to write on. My previous computer keyboard was rather shitty to write with to begin with, but I spilled plenty of food, ash, beer (you name it!) to enhance the problem.

I've also cleaned up my PC, laptop and extended HDD's.. Gained quite some space, and gotten rid of some stuff that didn't need to be there.
I've also uninstalled alot of games and programs I'll never use..
Gonna keep it casual with The Sims and WoW.. Maybe Fallout and Skyrim as well, atleast until school starts.
Well today has been a really good day. Not amazing, but my mood is pretty allright.
I'm at (exhaggerated) 1250 calories today.. Probably won't consume anymore, maybe another 50 or 100.. We'll see. And yes, I always exhaggerate my calorie counting "just incase" (:

Over and out for now.. Love typing on this though, so it's hard to stop writing :P

Eh.

So it's Monday now. The disease caught up with me pretty badly, inspite of the billion health aimed soups and garlics I consumed.. It was actually the longest disease I've ever had. It wasn't very strong, but it was rather uncomfortable. It felt like a light cold that never ended. I've been sick now for a whole week, although I'd say today is the first day where I can function normally.
I didn't get a fever, however my nose/head/ear etc suffered.. My right ear was deaf for quite a while, my nose entirely stuffed, I was coughing like mad etc.
I haven't been in school the whole last week, so the guild has built itself up.
I also feel a bit avoidant, and my dayrythm has been entirely destroyed.
But I've gained some clarity, as well as I've gotten a chance to get used to the idea of quitting drinking.. As an alcoholic mind (never let myself become an alcoholic entirely, but it still got in the way of alot) this was rather difficult.. I've also caught up with alot of geography (: As well as I've followed the lessons at home, since I was too sick to attend.
So the guild isn't entirely consuming. I know I'll have quite some time on my hand, now that there won't be 2 drunken days and one insane hangover every week.
I wanna do a good job and make up for the time missed. As well as make up for the time wasted in my life.

This past week was really entertaining. I haven't done anything extreme, but I've been watching all Harry Potter movies, all LoTR movies (and I always hated those movies, but I've grown to like them now), 300, The Patriot and Young Adult (went to the cinema yesterday. This movie was awesome. The main character is a lot like me. Bought plenty of candy, there were only 2 other people in the cinema so lolz.. I had to cough alot, as it was my first time going out in a whole + cold air. Enjoyed myself plenty).
I love Legolas <3 I love Lucious and Draco Malfoy <3 I love the hawt guy from 300 (No recall his name, but his head gets chopped off.. And he's the son of someone).
So yeah, I've turned into a teeny bopper fangirl in this time of my disease.

Tomorrow will be a fresh start. I have some more decisions to make though.
I don't know what to do with the social. I think I might prefer to be a loner from now on, yes.
I also need to get a jumpstart on weightloss. Quitting alcohol and drinking diet coke instead of normal coke isn't enough.. My system is so fucked that I could eat a banana + decent dinner and still not lose a single kilogram. My body is used to eating too little, drinking too much, or eating too much of the right things.. Aka, I can binge on a cabbage and carrot.. And hell, I'm insane enough to binge in 1k calories on that stuff.
I'm so lucky to enjoy healthy foods, and not have a taste for the bads, with my binge abilities.
Need to find something else to focus my emotional tension on.
Maybe selfcare.. Facial masks, fixing nails, feet etc.
Might help boost my self-esteem and make me feel good at moments I generally feel down.. Hell if I know, I've never been good at channeling my negative emotional tension anywhere else than into a can of beer.

Well, for now my goal is to balance my eating a little.. I notice that my binge problems are enhanced now that I replace meals with protein/nutrition shakes.. So as ideal as it feels to be "eating" like this, I might wanna look into better alternatives.
I hope to have 3 meals a day, maybe only one of them with those shakes.. Since I do love to drink them, I hate eating in the morning for example, and I'm way too lazy to actually make something appropriate.
Maybe I should have a lunch meal that's a little more solid, just to not shock my stomach with real food when dinner arrives. Not entirely sure what that could be, but I'm sure I can work my magic with some crispbread and random veggies, potentially some cheese.
Then I need to balance my dinners.
Or even better, start with a real meal, do the shake as a "lunch" or midmeal. Pretty sure I won't be ordering more of those in the future anyhow, so when the moment comes I'll switch to a self-made smoothie. Orange juice, banana + pineapple or something like that.
Well, writing about it most certainly gave me some decent ideas.

Since I can't afford proper exercise, I intend to do some exercises on my own at home. Mostly to strengthen my back. Maybe walk Nitro a little more often and more efficiently.

I'm also a little uncertain of my WoW life now.. I knew the commitment fear would catch up with me at some point. I think it's more me wanting to raid with Narcosis though. She has the most achivements, mounts, memories and she's a character I love to evolve with.
It also feels wrong having my priest as a draenei, but as long as she's my main, she's got to be a draenei :P
Well, for now I'm not gonna back out.. Maybe I will in the future, time will tell.

Ok, well I hope to balance things in my life.. I hope that my decision to quit on alcohol will help this change. I will ofc drink on occasions (Stalker mode, important parties, school events), but not on a regular basis. As long as I'm in school, the drinking will be kept to after exams and until school start - only.

Might have an exception next weekend or so, though.. There's a stripclub, and I really wanna go :P

Fml..

I've been so unlucky to catch the seasonal flu.. On a hangover, when my period arrived.. But to top that of, I woke up with my classical indigestion (binge painz, as I call it) today.
Meaning, I got something like 3 hours of sleep.. I have school in a few hours, and there's absolutely no time to get some rest as well as the pain finnishing off in that time.
I'm not pleased.
The cold prevents me from "smoking the pain away..
I'll have a rather interesting day at school..
Thing is, I don't see being sick as reason to skip school. Physical pain is physical pain, it can be overlooked if your mind has something to focus on.. Well besides indigestion -.-
I'd rather have a permanent toothache in all my teeth than indigestion.
The symtoms I mostly experience are.. Hallo, it's burning either upper left or upper right of my stomach. Depends, usually right though.. Then my stomach swells and turns rock hard. Sometimes it feels like there's a sponge in my stomach, and it's huge. Sometimes it feels like there's a huge metal piece in me.
Either way, it makes it hard to breathe, it hurts, it makes me incapable of finding a good position (as my back has issues supporting my body when it turns like this, and laying down usually enhances the pain. Laying on stomach is impossible, laying on back usually makes it alot stronger.. I've had some success with laying on my side and waiting the pain out, but not always).
The worst part is how it seems to be never ending.. Oh and it always happens at the worst time.. In the middle of the night / morning hours.. So it destroys my chance of sleep ofc.
I've had badass indigestions last more than 12 hours, but I guess the average one lasts for about 4 hours. Probably slightly more if I don't catch it at the right time and manage to fit in something small.. Like a cup of tea or a carrot piece or something.
I'm not a doctor, but I have suffered from this since I was 17.. The past 2 years being the worst (most frequent). And I've learned some tips and tricks that can help prevent it. For starters, whole wheat products tend to increase my chance of getting this.. I do still eat them, as I've experienced a low fibre intake to also trigger this.. It seems I have issues digesting certain things though. Also banana seems to make it worse. The first night after a hangover and the night before my period seems to be the highest risk days. I'd say more than 50% chance of getting it. If the hangover didn't trigger a diarrhea, it's almost 90% chance, it seems.
Switching positions resets the progress.. It's as if the pain goes away faster if I remain in a certain position.
Obviously things like big servings and eating before bedtime increases the chance.. Also, alot of time inbetween meals or napping in the day seems to be a trigger. Also, eating small meals and then a bigger dinner.. Aka if I have a banana for breakfast, a couple of carrots later on and then dinner - I'm more likely to get this pain on a way more regular basis. I'd say once a week minimum.
Also, this pain generally makes me feel dehydrated, but drinking makes it worse.. So does pooping btw, which also can be a trigger.

Anyway.. I'm off to suffer -.-

The party is over.

So..
I recently went a little shopaholic krzy.
With the bills paid, I felt the need to "Spend all the cash" <.<
So I did.. Lots of sales atm, so I bought a crazy amount of 7 pair of shoes.. While searching for one pair a little more appropriate for the winter season. Since I couldn't find one pair to take my breath away, I bought plenty of decent ones.
I also bought loads of clothes.. We're talking 6 pants, 6 shirts, 2 dresses, 5-6 bras (I needed that though, haven't bought a bra since I was in junior high school).
And some other stuff I needed was bought..
I also bought some unncessary fun stuff.. :D
I had a lot of fun.
But now the party is over, and back to economical balance.
I don't think I'll have any issues finding clothes to wear for a while.

It's Wednesday now..
I have planned to eat dinner with Kenneth and drink some beers on Friday. Looking forward to it.
I'm behind on school work again. But I can't find motivation today..
I have a raid incoming, I think I'll spend my energy there, and if I find some spare energy I'll start catching up with history.. I hope to spend tomorrow catching a bit up, and then Sunday and Monday.
I don't wanna pressure myself on days I absolutely don't feel like it, as it makes me avoidant.. Pressure ain't my strong side.
I didn't feel pressured though.. I was highly motivated and cherful just a couple of hours back.
Then my privacy was somewhat invaded, by a female from my school.. I wasn't in a social mood, so I made her take off.. But it ruined my spirit a bit.. Yeah, it's that easy.
Well.. I'll keep my fingers crossed that I manage to catch up and all will be well.
I'm interested in the topics, it's just my mind is flowing with a mix of guilt (for pushing her away and spending cash) and a need to hide out (a consequence of having my privacy invaded, really).

:|
Bye