Wtf.

So, my life finally makes a little more sense. I'm still in the same mess, but atleast I can see my path clearer now. I'm meant for greater things than this. Being trapped in my own mess for all eternity, is not a plan.. It's not my plan, atleast. But I can't seem to shake my past.. You pop a little alcohol in me, and all my pain returns to me.. I guess I've never faced my own bitterness in a sober condition. In fact, I tend to be rather avoidiant.
But I really wish there was a way to reach the final stage of grief: Acceptance.
I wish I didn't have to terrorize every stranger that'll let me speak.. But that seems to be the case for now. If someone is willing to finally hear my 2 cents, it all comes back. And it'll all be shoved in their face.
I guess the intention behind it isn't all too bad.. I strongly believe in being upfront and direct. I don't play games very well, and when I meet someone I'd like to put all cards on the table. But honestly, it doesn't work.. You put the right cards on the table, and you're cool. You put them all on the table, and you're a dramatic loser. And that's unfortunately who I am.
So for now, I'm all alone. I have some issues adapting to the world.
I've blown most my unlikely and inredicble opportunities like this. Not my most prideful moments, I'd say. But they're there, nevertheless.

Ironic thing is.. I feel really awkward about putting any of me on the internet. I'm weirded out by this blog.
Somewhat hypocritical.. Or maybe it's more shameful when I can see myself black on white.
Either way, I'm not too fond of using an online blog. Normally I'd be writing this in a Word Document, or something.. Keeping it all to myself. Now, I'm probably not gonna have anyone reading this, but the chance of someone doing so, freaks me a tiny bit out.
But what's life without a little risk anyway :P

Now I shall make a statement.. This is meant for a number of people, none who know me very well:
I want you to want to know me. I want you to ask what's on my mind.. I want to know what's going through your mind. I want to know where you came from, who you are, and who you wish to be. If I offend your jacket, I'm trying to make you see me.. Any attention is better than none right?


Random fact.. If you go over to someone, and say "Let's be friends", he will automatically assume you want to get into his pants. Or a she will automatically feel weirded out. But I don't really know any other way. Or any better way. I don't start attending a job I'm not hired for, in order to show what I'm made out of.. I apply for it, and if they're willing to hear me out, I'll give it a shot. So no, I won't impress you and hope for your friendship. I'll just ask, and hope you say yes.